Depression is a tricky subject, and there seems to be an epidemic today, particularly among youth. As an individual who struggled with clinical depression and still has bouts as an adult, I want to share some of the things I’ve learned over the years. This is aimed at two people: 

  1. The depressed person themselves. There are tips and tricks here that can help shift your mindset over time. Unfortunately, the overwhelming apathy that often comes with depression can make these things difficult to start. I know it is hard, but it is important to share your feelings if at all possible. The help you can get is absolutely invaluable.
  2. Family and friends. Once you know about the condition, hopefully this helps understand some of what might be going on. I say might because every person will experience this differently, but remember that what your loved one is struggling with impacts their spirit and ability to live from day to day. The tips below can help over time, but they will often need time. 

First, some background: My childhood was pleasant, stable, with parents who loved me and kept me fed in a school system that was well funded. I played baseball in little league and basketball in middle school, and I had some friends I spent time with. As early as 6th grade I was bigger than the other kids but passive, so I did get picked on by youths who wanted to prove something by attacking the big guy who wouldn’t fight back – all reward, no risk. Other than that I didn’t really have anything to be upset about.

But something still wasn’t right with me. In middle school it was just apathy and a retreat into books – other worlds where the events and feelings of the story could take over from my own feelings. As I moved into high school it got worse until eventually I’d spend much of every day determining how I was going to kill myself and carefully convincing myself not to. Every day. Amidst school, and events, and homework, and eventually a part-time job, hanging out with friends… ‘should this be my last day?’

It wasn’t until I was about 18 that we finally discovered what this was – clinical depression. Most kids feeling this way don’t know to put a name to it, and they’re hiding their feelings so it’s no easier for those around them to recognize and identify the issue. In the few cases where I stopped hiding those feelings for a short time I believed that every tiny indicator I let through was a giant neon sign, though they were really just tiny changes in my behavior that I’m sure were hard for others to notice. To me, though, every time those changes went unquestioned was just more proof that no one cared and I could pass away unremembered.

I feel blessed to have made it through that time. With the help of a psychiatrist and several years of medication I was able to gain some control over the darkness that seemed to always sit right below the surface.

Now, over 20 years later, I still occasionally have bouts of depression. They aren’t frequent but they come, and they appear out of nowhere. Depression is tricky, too, because people think they understand it. After all, other people don’t ‘get’ OCD, but just about everyone ‘gets’ depressed at some point.

The difference is that, for someone with clinical depression it sits under the skin all the time. It twists what you see and hear and think. It will turn positive into negative and it will make you feel depressed for no reason. It creates its own reasons when one isn’t available and attaches to attach to the slightest reason as if it that were the problem. So even today with the sun out and life going well I can wake up with a looming sense of doom.

As an adult I’ve changed a lot about my lifestyle. I exercise, eat differently, take a spread of supplements, and am more aware of my body, my mind, and my emotions. As a youth I would stay up late reading in bed then have to get up for school. I’d feel tired and run-down all day. When I started working my ‘snacks’ would be candy – I’d constantly funnel Twix, Kit Kats, and York Peppermint patties down my throat all shift. I had easy access since I was working in a grocery store. Oddly enough I felt worse and worse emotionally as this went on.

I never put it together then, but there is an undeniable mind/body connection. If you doubt it, just keep someone up for 72 hours and see how irritable they get. What I was doing to my body simply enhanced the already negative effects I was feeling.

Although there are therapies and medicines that can help, there’s no easy fix for depression, and clinical depression is hard to recognize as a problem because it is so hidden. Once depression is identified in yourself or a loved one, it is critical to be aware and have a plan for help. Here are some things I’ve discovered; things that help me and that I try to stay alert to as I go about my life.

The Three Pillars

  • Nutrition – Poor nutrition, particularly high intake of carbs and sugars, leads to hormone imbalances that can cause a person to feel tired, irritable, or depressed. When there’s already a depression issue, generally associated with low levels of chemicals like seratonin, the impact can be even greater. I have a sweet tooth and relied on candy for quick boosts. I have since, finally, discovered that when I eat poorly I feel poorly – not just in my body and how I can perform, but my actual emotions, feelings, and responses to events both positive and negative are different and more likely to develop into sadness and depression.
  • Rest– Rest is about recovery as well as fueling the mind and heart. This may be meditation, vacations, ice baths, or many other practices but in this case we’ll touch on two key areas.
    • Sleep – Sleep is vital to every person, and otherwise healthy individuals, when deprived of sleep, will start to show signs of moodiness and depression. As much as three-quarters of depressed individuals have insomnia symptoms and sleep disturbance is one of the proven risk factors for suicide.

      When I was at the height of my depression I was completely out of balance with sleep. I would stay up late playing computer games or reading, which I used to escape from my feelings. Then I’d have to get up early for school. This led to lack of attentiveness in class, poor study habits, loss of notes and homework, and a slew of related issues which all served to exacerbate my problems of depression and low self-worth.

    • Find what ‘feeds’ you emotionally – Some people need people to feel energized; sitting quietly alone makes them feel disconnected, alone, and sad. Others need that quiet; they feel drained interacting with people and just need solitary time to find harmony in themselves. Some people use their workouts as alone time – it becomes almost meditative, others do the same but find their time at a gym with friends is what lifts them up. What I’ve discovered for myself is that I need quiet time to feel energized and face the world. But I also need time with friends to feel connected and cared about. For me my default is quiet, but occasional dinners with close friends, time playing games, or a party here and there helps keep me balanced. This is different for every person. Find what you need, not what someone else tells you, or help your loved one find their own style of recovery.
  • Exercise – Regular exercise has a whole host of benefits, one of which is to help offset feelings of depression and regulate hormones. Not only does regular exercise help the body produce seratonin (the ‘happiness hormone’) but it generates a sense of accomplishment and feelings of capability as the body becomes more fit help to enhance everyday mood. I’ve also found that the more I exercise the easier it is to eat properly – who wants to do all that work just to sacrifice it for a candy bar?
    When you are feeling depressed how do you make time to exercise? It helps to have a partner or a buddy – someone who will exercise with you and with whom  you can make appointments – it’s harder to convince yourself to stay in bed when a friend is waiting for you. It also helps to make the plans ahead of time. Add it to your daily list as one of the things you have to check off (see ‘Lists, Plans, and Goals’ below). 

Other Suggestions

  • Cultivate a “growth mindset” – In many cases, the way one views certain subjects, including one’s own ability to grow and learn, can be split into two camps:

    Fixed – “My ability is set, and I can’t get better. If I’m not good at something now, trying will only make me feel worse. Therefore I shouldn’t try to get better, and I should prepare excuses if I’m forced to continue trying. Working hard will only be a waste of time.”
    Growth – “Even if I’m not good at something yet, that just means I have to work to learn it. Anything I can do I can get better at if I work hard at it. Even if I don’t succeed, I’m winning if I learn something and can get better next time.”

    When studying college students with symptoms of depression, students with a fixed mindset tended not to do their homework, pay bills, or go about day to day tasks. Those with a growth mindset (about their life in general) still showed the emotional symptoms of depression but continued to keep up their day-to-day activities, thus preventing a total (and perhaps unrecoverable) spin out of control.

  • Time of Year and Sunlight – SAD, or ‘Seasonal Affective Disorder’ is a real thing, impacting many otherwise normal healthy people to make them sluggish, tired, irritable, or sad. For someone who already has depression it can make an already bad thing worse. Have you ever experienced a long stretch of rain – a few weeks of dreary clouded skies and downpours? It doesn’t take long before everyone starts dragging, moving sluggishly, and even the most peppy of people start losing that extra pep. SAD is the body’s response to a lack (or less frequently simply a change) of sunlight and often occurs during the winter months (though it can occur in the spring and summer). The changing light levels disrupt the body’s production of seratonin and melatonin. As the distance from the equator increases there will be less daylight (in general), so the incidence of SAD tends to increase. There’s fair evidence that a decrease in vitamin D also plays into this effect as our bodies produce this vitamin from contact with sunlight. Even during the day, distance from the equator equals a lower percentage of the required UV rays getting through the atmosphere, and wintertime exasperates this effect. To combat SAD, light therapy can be extremely effective. This involves a special daylight lamp or light box. It also involves getting outside when there’s sun. A depressed and apathetic person may want to stay in their room with the windows drawn, but exposure to sunshine can help wipe away those feelings.
  • Lists, Plans, and Goals – One of the most distressing aspects of depression is apathy. Someone who is depressed will still have dreams and goals for their life, but in many cases when the depression is at its worst they can’t act on those dreams. The thoughts are like this: “If I were someone else I’d want to become an astronaut, but I’m not worth it, I could never do it anyway, I’m not good enough and they wouldn’t want me, so I’m not going to try. The world is better off without me trying to be part of it. “That’s not an easy thing to overcome. Why would someone who truly thinks they aren’t worthwhile even try to overcome anything? The fight isn’t just for the dream they want but for each moment to get up and live at all. What helps with this? Sometimes you really need a friend or loved one to get you moving, but there are other things that can help.
    Write down those dreams and goals. Make sure they are written somewhere and even posted in your home so you can see that they are real things.
    Make a plan. While deep in the struggle, this plan is just a very high-level set of things to do. Attend my classes every day. Work on homework from these times each day. Research the paths, education, or information needed to reach those goals. We aren’t looking for hugely detailed items here, just broad sweeping statements that can still provide some guidelines.
    Make lists. You have a dream or goal. You have a rough plan on how to get there. Now each day make a list. It doesn’t have to be huge, but it needs to be a few things that need to happen on that day to keep life moving, and ideally it is written the night before so it is ready to go in the morning. The intent of this is to fight the apathy by providing a  daily set of things that have already been written down (which is harder to ignore) and can be checked off (which provides a feeling of success and accomplishment). It’s ok to include things as simple as “Get up and get dressed”, “Shower”, “Eat breakfast”, “do homework”, “go to job”. Also try to include one or two things that feed into your goals. “Work out for half an hour”, “Walk a mile”, or “Watch a Youtube video on the astronaut program”.
  • Affirmations and Journaling – Affirmations aren’t a fix-it-all any more than anything else, and while I’m sure this brings to mind images of Stuart Smalley for some, there’s great truth in the fact that you will believe what you are told most often. There’s a reason that perfectly smart kids can grow up thinking they are dumb if they are told that repeatedly. They begin to believe it and then reinforce the belief by telling themselves the same thing again and again. “I can’t do it – I’m too dumb/slow/weak/etc.” Affirmations are a way to reverse this by telling yourself truths. It’s similar to the idea of “fake it ’till you make it” and it does work over time.
  • Supplements – There are a few supplements that can really help. A supplement is not a magic bullet. However, some supplements can make a difference by taking the edge off and making the rest of life a little easier. All of these things should be included in your normal daily nutrition by eating a diet made up of a broad range of meats, vegetables, and fruits, but it can be helpful to have a pill or dropper around to fill in the gaps. Always talk to your doctor (or psychiatrist as appropriate) about any supplements before adding them to your daily program as some supplements can interact with medications.
  •    Vitamin D – Vitamin D is added to several foods (such as milk and vitamin c) because it is so fundamental to many of the body’s functions. It is unlikely to interact with other medicines or supplements (still always check) and it is hard to get too much. However, this vitamin can play a significant role in mood modulation, is inexpensive, widely available, and should be a first item to add. Remember, your body makes vitamin D through sun exposure. That means for those too far north (or south) of the equator, 
  •    SAM-E – A molecule made in the body, people who don’t produce enough SAM-E can be helped by taking a supplement. Used under prescription in some countries, SAM-E pills must be swallowed with a special coating; chewing or letting it pass through the stomach without this coating will break down the molecule
  •    5-HTP – A precursor to serotonin, 5-HTP can help you feel better and sleep better by helping the brain produce this important neurotransmitter.

 

TLDR

  • Eat well – proper nutrition can take the edge off of some symptoms and make a depression spike less likely or less severe
  • Sleep well – even in someone without clinical depression, lack of sleep can increase depression symptoms. Get as much sleep as possible.
  • Be open with family and friends, and seek help from people you trust.
  • Get regular exercise to help maintain proper hormone levels and lift mood
  • Use a light box or supplements like vitamin d to natural promote your body’s ability to produce essential neurotransmitters.
  • Cultivate a growth mindset so that even when you are feeling apathetic you are more likely to maintain your daily life, which can help prevent additional feelings of spiraling out of control.

There’s no simple cure for depression, but there are definitely things that can help. Start with talking to someone and seeking professional treatment and use the tips here, where appropriate, to help take some of the edge off. 

References & Further Reading

Exercise Benefits Brain Function: The Monoamine Connection
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4061837

Sleep Disorders as Core Symptoms of Depression
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181883

Carol Dweck’s Mindset web site
https://mindsetonline.com/

Mindset Works – A set of programs around building mindset https://www.mindsetworks.com/default

Suicide Prevention Hotline
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

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